Struggles to Self Love

From all struggles comes self-authenticity, love, appreciation for all life experiences and strength.
Story time and all taboos are wiped clean.

Strength

There was a 9 year old girl who loved to love her family, especially her Mum. She knew her Mum struggled within herself. She felt it and did her utmost to simply love her.

She kept quiet, invisible and light.

Music, dance, beach, ocean and sun, playing and hiding in nook and crannies on the boat she lived on, climbing the masts and oh – that delicious giving ocean that touched her skin, carrying her away to magical dreams. 

Empowerment

Tenacity

This little sweet Spirit was raped for months at a family friends’ home by the stepfather. Night after night he crept in. She cried but he threatened to kill her family. 

She wore lots of clothes at night, but… 

Breathe little One! You are not here. You are loved – this is only temporary. Breathe – stay strong!

She made a pact with this wounded lost soul to only do these things to her and keep away from the little ones.

He did. Except he hurt her friend, one of the eldest children, and so the two friends became magical dreamers – together. She continued to ensure that the little ones were never hurt.

And so it continued night after night.

Numbness became survival.

The other little friend was hurt too but they both escaped to the beach and danced their hearts out, laughed and dreamed of wondrous places.

Miracles

Magical strength

The little girl, a Princess Warrior, told her eldest sister who told her to get over it. 

When the little girl was ten, the stepmother told her Mum. The Mum went into denial. When the little girl became fifteen years old, the Mum wanted details. The Mum plugged her ears and yelled while the emotional teenager tried, in vain, to describe everything in detail.

As a little girl she became numb, invisible, devouring books to escape, didn’t eat, got skinnier and skinnier. But somehow she laughed and found ways to enjoy each day in between emotional struggles.

Months grew into years. Teenager to adulthood.

Are you fixed yet?, the Mum asks her years later. Family blame, family shame, family guilt.

She didn’t need fixing Mum. She needed love.

It was too much for the Mum to bear so the little girl became an emotional outsider of her own family. Her Mum was in denial, in pain, in self blame. The little girl’s siblings protected her Mum from her, believing, and even telling the Princess Warrior, that she was damaged goods. The Mum fell silent.

She blamed herself for years. Felt shame, guilt and so worthless – self victimization. And yet she knew there was no blame anywhere. She carried her family’s illusory guilt and shame upon her shoulders and inside her Soul.

What did this little girl learn? 

As a little girl, she was wise beyond wise, and loved simply everyone and everything. She had a tenacity that was truly admirable. She was able to turn everything around into something bright and luminous.

As an adult Princess Warrior, she became grateful for everything. She became empowered, strong, compassionate, giving, loving humanity, running and laughing from deep within her Soul. She learned about compassion and forgiveness, for those who were so hurt within themselves they had to hurt others, and for herself, for carrying around so much for so long. 

The Princess Warrior holds no regrets, no revenge, no hate. She holds her heart high towards the sky in luminous light for all to see.

And so it is.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s